Clearing Out the Emotional Clutter
Every once in a while, I see the need to do a little emotional spring cleaning, which usually happens when I start a new project and find myself emotionally stuck in someway on a perpetual merry-go-round. I'm not moving forward, not moving backward—just staying in the same place going round and round. A big part of the cleanse at the moment is letting go of what I cannot change, accepting that I don't know what I don't know and leaning into the vulnerability of making space for something new. And sometimes God uses someone else to open my eyes to these things.
As you know, I've been writing my blog for seven months now, and while writing my last post, someone I look to for unbiased editing asked if she could share some feedback. I braced myself, agreed and hoped she didn't hear the fear of criticism in my voice. With loving intent, she said she noticed a pattern in the way I wrote about myself; that I tended to use words, phrases and statements that were self-deprecating.
I was slightly embarrassed with what she found and disappointed that I didn't notice the flaw myself. I find that things tend to painfully come to the surface during seasons when there needs to be change, especially when they don't serve the higher purpose God has designed for my life. And turns out my old foe, self-deprecation, has weaseled its way back into my world.
In the past, I wasn't in a healthy place emotionally and believed the negative things people said about me. Taking on those unhealthy beliefs held me back in life, and I've worked very hard at replacing those beliefs with realistic and positive truths about myself because it was something that I could change.
I'm strong. I'm confident. So, why would it show up now? I think there's a combination of reasons, being isolated, starting a new project and being vulnerable to its success...a perfect storm. The pandemic has isolated many people. I didn't think it would affect me so much because I'm a loner at heart and am perfectly content being a home. And I am content being at home alone with my husband and our fur babies.
But, not having frequent interactions with others has taken a toll and allowed that little voice that tries to intimidate me with, "what if...?" sneak back in. Oh, I can fill in the blanks with many possibilities but, I'm not going to go down that road.
I am thankful my friend brought this to my attention, so now, I have the opportunity to change the narrative in my mind to allow more positive manifestations. It's not as easy as it seems and it’s a never-ending job, but having the awareness now, I can stop the words before they leave my mouth (or fingers) and shift it to a positive statement.
I look at what best serves my emotional growth and I ask myself very honest questions like: why is this showing up right now, is this holding me back, what's my motivation for this. When I'm able to process through the chatter and get to what’s under the surface, I'm able to positively change the narrative. When I remove the clutter from my emotional well-being, I always feel lighter and I’m filled with a greater sense of purpose for the new journey ahead of me. I feel like I can conquer anything in my path.
I've learned to accept that negative thoughts are going to pop up every now and then, and I can use it to propel me forward towards better things. I see it taking me from my season of complacency to a season of revelation. I've learned to not be afraid of the vulnerable times in my life because those vulnerable times will always be there to rise up and challenge me to stand firm about who I believe I am. I believe that God created each season with a beginning to a new story, a climax and then a soft ending or a "to be continued" that leads to the next chapter in my life story.
What's the next chapter, you ask? I don't know yet. But I know it's going to be fantastic!
Be Greatly Blessed & Stay Groovy, Y'all!
Amy